When Evangeline asked me if I would be willing to share a devotional at Jana’s bridal shower, I looked at my calendar and saw that I was volunteering to check in kiddos at my church that morning, and in the evening I had a massage scheduled. Jana’s shower fell right in between.
Could I balance all of this, I thought to myself?
As a mental health therapist, I would say the majority of people come to me, because they feel their life is off balance and out of rhythm. So personally, I contemplated my day as planned, and my values within myself, and decided this opportunity of sharing my heart with my future sister-in-law, was the right rhythm, for my day.
One of my favorite neuroscientist (Dr. Dan Siegel) actually has a Healthy Mind Platter (looks like a food pyramid, but is for emotional intelligence versus food intake). He suggests to feel our very best each day, it’s recommended to incorporate time to sleep, physical time, focus time, time in, downtime, playtime and connecting time.
I feel very privileged, to get to share some insights toward my future sister-in-law. Proverbs 31 is a beautiful account of womanhood, and the journey into married life and ideas to help with this. Verse 10 says, who is he who can find her? A woman “capable, intelligent, and virtuous. A women more precious than jewels and her value far above rubies and pearls.” Well, I’d say Logan found just that. How lucky is he!
First things first:
I wanted to make this talk practical, and not just read a few things and leave it at that.
Visual Aids:
An APRON! What better stereotypical gift for a young woman at her bridal shower, than an apron! Remembering, what I just mentioned above, regarding God speaking life over women and His reminder for us humans to do the same to each other. I wondered if Jana’s friends and family might take time to sign their names and add a word or phrase of encouragement to her. So as she’s wearing the apron, whether the recipe she diligently works on, turns out or not, she can be reminded she is surrounded by many family and friends, who love her either way.
Balance: So I was pretty proud of myself finding these beautiful, red shoes…in goodwill, I might add! Looking pretty much Brand New, wouldn’t you say? I walked around in them, for awhile in the store. They seemed fairly comfortable for heels, and red is one of my favorite colors. So I bought them! Their true test came, the day I put them on for work, and started walking down the hall. Much to my dismay, my heels kept slipping out of the shoe, causing me to lose my balance. Feeling disappointed, I pulled one shoe off, and then the other…well, attempted!!! Finally, I got it off, along with a nice, long, string of chewing gum…
I tell this story to symbolize, how in life, at times, to the best of our ability, we can plan things out, try to walk in balance, as much as possible, and still have surprises, interrupt or frustrate us! I want to say to you Jana, its ok when this happens! It may not be comfortable, I get it! But can you do me a favor and give yourself a lot of grace.
As you and Logan are figuring out how to live together, and link your two different selves together into one family, be kind and patient with yourself and each other. It’s an ever, evolving process! It’s ok, if it isn’t pretty, or perfect all of the time. Clean the gum off, and put on thicker socks to keep the beautiful shoes from slipping and try again.
Aspiring Proverbs 31 Lady:
That’s me…but I am realizing more and more, I may fit into the “older and wiser” category of this woman. For goodness sake, I am getting grey hairs, and I’m almost out of my 30’s…can I get a Kleenex…sniff, sniff! No offense intended, to you ladies who have gone before me! It’s hard to believe, how fast time flys.
If being older, means I can claim being wiser: I’ll claim it for today…at least the wiser part. What an adventure you and Logan are about to start! A wild ride of ups and downs. Laughter and tears! My hope is that these suggestions can give you practical ideas, as you journey along. I might add, I weaved love, all through this message, for you both:
6 different components for finding balance in life: Sleep, physical time, focus time, time in, downtime, play time connecting time.
- Sleep time:
I don’t know how many of you know, but Logans job affords him a free house (can you imagine, yes, I said free), and its honestly a pretty, cool house…but there’s a caveat! It’s in the middle of no where!!! Joel, Elias and I ventured out there a couple of weeks ago, and were dependent on map-quest to get us there. Thank goodness, I didn’t exit out of Siri (you know, I-phone’s virtual assistant), because we got on a one-lane FIELD ROAD (dirt (versus gravel), farm truck, 4-wheel-drive, off road, kind of vehicle road) Literally, I told Joel, “It’s a good thing we packed, as if we are camping, with food and beds, in case we don’t find our way out of here!” I don’t even think there were cell phone towers, near by!
Despite it being removed from people, it absolutely wasn’t removed from God. I see Him in nature. Logan’s place is in the middle of beautiful, rolling fields, and wide-open skies. One of the ways I believe God can speak loudest to us, or maybe the quietest to us, is in His creation, and in more quiet spaces, away from the hustle-and-bustle of life.
Joel, Elias and I had traveled out to Logan’s place to watch the shooting stars. In fact, we slept out under them. And boy, was the sky amazing!!! Speaking boldly of God’s creation, the stars lighting up the dark night. So my wish to you…Jana and Logan, as you cuddle together at night…may your rest be sweet.
I promise I am not going to embarrass you Jana…
In marriage, sex is just that, a gift! But just as it can be a gift, at times it can be complex and complicated. The authors, Penner and Penner are a Christian, married couple, who are counselors and specialize in relationships. I have had the pleasure of hearing them speak, a couple of times and have read their research and suggestions. It’s really helpful stuff! God talks about sexuality in Song of Solomon, and the beauty of intimacy, between a man and a women in marriage…I wish you and Logan the best in this area! And hope you will embrace this gift, and not be afraid to seek out resources to help, in this area, of your marriage, as you have need. Check out one of my colleagues blogs on this also for Six Simple Sex-Starters: Relationship Re-do.
- Physical time:
Some may think of sex, when they think of physical time, especially since I followed it up after talking about sleep. It certainly can fit into this category, but what I hope to encourage Jana and all of you, is to not think so much along the lines of what our culture says around exercise and weight, being thinner, or stronger, or faster or more flexible.
You fill in the blanks with your own vulnerable thoughts…but rather to focus on the gift of movement. And how in the mornings, most of us can swing our feet to the floor, and stand up…stretch and move to where we need to go for the day. We can notice the movement of our breath in our chest…up and down…working automatically, to bring oxygen to all our vital organs; energizing our bodies, for the days experiences ahead.
So, yes, having a specific exercise regime is great! I just encourage people to think about it as moving intentionally. Dancing around the kitchen floor or racing around the house, playing tag before bed (yes, I’m talking about you adults too). Be creative on moving, versus critical or shaming of yourself, regarding this kind of exercise or that kind of specific regime! Challenge: notice your movements in the day, and be intentional with them! You just might be surprised how energized and healthy, this makes you feel!
- Focus time:
Dr. Dan is referring to working here. Proverbs 31:13 talks about working with willing hands. Working is good for us. It gives us purpose and something to do. A beginning, middle, and end to something. God designed us to work. Just review what He said after Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden in Genesis 3.
I encourage you, Jana, to embrace the work God gives you and Logan, to provide for you, and pay your bills. Whether it’s working in your house to maintain it, organizing books in the library or driving tractor… may God give you both the strength and focus to complete the tasks.
- Time in:
This is in reference to looking inward, to who God created you to be, rather than outward. You, Jana, are uniquely created to be you! In yourself, are the personality traits only you have, and God meant them just for you. I encourage you to take time each day to look toward yourself in curiosity and compassion, and remind yourself of this. Take a break from the outward focus on things, and remind yourself of this. Mediating on scripture can fit here, or speaking God’s words over you. Just don’t forget to make it personal to you. Name your character traits and values unique to you! See yourself as God does…a beautiful tapestry…remember He knit you together, in your mother’s womb!
It can be hard to remember this when noticing others around us. Especially if we fall into the trap of comparisons…
True Example:
I have been growing my hair out for months now. Lately, I have felt like it’s too much to handle! Thick, heavy, grey (remember from above). So, I have often just been pulling it back in a messy bun (like today).
Last Sunday, I was looking around my church sanctuary, comparing my hair, to other ladies styles. Inspired, I went home, and turned on my straighter…and left to the other room, to put my make-up on. When I came back, this is what I found…my back scratcher, melted onto my straighter. I stood immobilized, staring at “what a mess!” 
Inspiration # 2!!!
(I was on a roll, what can I say?).
I took my tooth brush, and scrubbed the melted plastic off! Being in a hurry, I plopped the tooth brush back in it’s place, and as I write (days later), I am realizing, I’ve used it since! Hopefully not having ingested any plastic.
I tell you this, to emphasize looking around and learning from each other’s styles and ways of moving in the world is totally ok…but please remember…the very best thing: is actually
what works for unique you (messy bun, multipurpose toothbrushing, church lady-straightened-hair). Celebrate you! Celebrate them! Celebrate the multipurpose TOOTH BRUSH!
- Down time:
Just chilling! Doing nothing! Hanging out in your favorite places and spaces. No specific goals, letting your mind wander, or simply relax. This is really good for us! It helps our brain recharge. I hope you and Logan have moments to just be together without an agenda often. Enjoying each other’s presence doing nothing.
- Play time:
This can also be a time for spontaneity or creativity! Doing something without planning it. Going on an adventure in the moment. Taking a risk. Who knows what you and Logan could discover together in your playtime. I found a book on date ideas for you and Logan called 52 Uncommon Dates. Gary Chapman wrote the forward for it.
When life gets busy, don’t forget to take time to go on a date.
Joel and I have made an intention, pact really, to keep dating each other…even after getting married (hitched for you…out in the middle-of-no-where, country folks)! Having kids made it a little harder to have consistency, that’s for sure. Never-the-less, persevere (and use birth control, you guys are still so young! Ha, my bossy, big, sister advise is slipping out). Just kidding…have some cute babies now, or later…whenever you choose (and God creates)! You guys are going to make amazing, parents; besides the fact of me, myself… as Auntie!
Hope you have fun exploring this book (going on a date to the cemetery, park bench, or canoe date (although you might have to bring your mom/mother-in-law, Linda along for that one…if you know what I mean and her kayak affinity!). Seriously:please continue dating each other! It will keep the romance alive!
- Connecting time:
Follows up perfectly, with what I was just talking about. Connecting with God, with yourself, connecting with each other, and connecting with family and friends. So many opportunities, to let the mirror neurons in our eyes and body language be with each other. God created us to have this! In fact, what’s kind of fascinating, as a mental health therapist, is although I have learned all kinds of fancy interventions to help people… sometimes just sitting with people, in their stories, as they create narrative around what they are going through, can be just as helpful! Or a hug. A handshake. A smile. A welcoming body posture. A listening ear…
I wish for you and Logan that you will always remember how much you both are loved by God, your family, and many friends (just look at the apron, we made you today)…oh, and don’t forget each other! Even when you are having a bad day, and don’t “feel” the love! It’s there! Rememeber the moments of connection…they will lead you back, to the feeling of love!
In closing may I offer a prayer over you and Logan and your home from Ephesians 3: 15–20:
I call you Father and I pray that from your glorious riches You will strengthen Jana and Logan with power, through your Spirit in their inner being. That Christ may dwell in their home and in their hearts through faith. That they both may be rooted and established in love, that they may have power, with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep, you, Father God, love them! That Logan and Jana may know and feel this love that surpasses knowledge! That they may be filled, to the measure of all the fullness of God! I give you all the glory, for You are able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine (and that’s a lot, I might add…as I have so much love and aspiring dreams for my littlest brother, and his bride!).
“Thank you Jesus, for your Power working within, and among us, together…for your glory forever…amen!”
